This is a continuation of my personal story. If you’re looking for the beginning, click here: Please Breathe: My Personal Battle With Unexplained Infertility (Part One)
It just so happens that I found out I was pregnant the day that I had scheduled my appointment. I was able to cancel my appointment with joy and excitement. That was the best feeling in the world.
My excitement was short-lived as worry started to set in. Would the baby be implanted properly? Was I going to have another ectopic? Would I miscarry? Was my HCG going to double? Was there going to be a heartbeat? I would keep myself up at night, reading articles and researching every symptom I was having. After all, I now had a 10% chance of having another ectopic.
I felt so bad emailing my doctor with a million questions but I just couldn’t help myself. Luckily, she had been the doctor who was with me through the ectopic so she set me up with blood work and early ultrasounds right from the get-go. This alleviated a lot of my stress; knowing that I wouldn’t have to wait until weeks later to see how the baby was doing set me more at ease.
I vividly remember how difficult every moment was for me in the beginning of my pregnancy. If I hadn’t had the previous loss, I would have been able to ecstatically enjoy every moment of my first trimester, morning sickness and all. However, I did experience loss and I couldn’t shake that feeling of doubt and worry.
That is, until one beautiful December day. I was waiting in line to get my favorite cookies-and-cream milkshake when it happened – a swift kick from the inside. I felt her! She kicked me! To say I was elated would be an understatement! There was finally something tangible for me to look forward to every evening; something that could ease my fears.
Every night after work, I would recline on the couch and put my hands on my belly. I would have to really concentrate at first as the placenta was attached in such a way that the kicks were harder to feel.
I wish I could say that from that moment, I was able to relax, but I would be lying. I was terrified that something would go wrong during birth. I just thought that I wasn’t going to be lucky enough to get to have this sweet life in my arms. I felt that somehow, happiness would be ripped from my heart once again…
My story is a long one, so I’ll be posting it in parts. Continue my story here:
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